green grass and giving thanks

I’ve made a connection with a woman who told me she was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer…14 years ago.  When people ask her how things are going, her reply has something to do about being glad to be on this side of the grass.  I think her point was that she’s above ground, not below, but I read more into it.  We always hear stories (and live them at times) about the grass being greener on the other side.  I’d like to announce that I AM on the greener side

The bummer news… side effects suck.  This is the part were I complain.  A bunch.  But still try to be funny.  Fingernails are again separating from the nail base.  It hurts and it looks gross.  Worst of all, they stink.  Whenever I pet Zoe or the dogs, they sort of pull their heads back a bit and sniff at them and I feel oddly self-conscious for a moment.  At least it’s only them noticing.  Finger tips are swollen and really sensitive to the touch.  Makes doing pretty much anything with my hands hurt.  typing or pushing on a flat surface isn’t bad, but picking things up is difficult (especially small things like pencils and utensils), and small amounts of friction (like when you rub your face to rinse it) hurt.  It’s ridiculous how many things do:  turning door handles, or the keys in them, using a fork, holding a toothbrush, tying shoes, zipping and buttoning clothes, wiping my face with a towel… and picking my nose is impossible.  Sometimes the entire palm is sensitive, as can be the soles of my feet.  That sort of makes walking hurt but if I wear slippers and shuffle around like an old lady, it’s not too bad.  Of course it makes dressing up to go out pretty silly.  I actually wore socks and Birkenstocks for a few days.  And my lips get blistery which is really unattractive, but the worst of that is that eating and drinking are painful.  So is talking, but somehow I manage to keep doing that.  There’s also this ridiculous itchiness that takes over my whole body.  Of course scratching is out of the question.. I hardly have any fingernails, and curling my fingers hurts too much anyway.  So I get by… Morgan leaves the toothpaste cap really loose, my students uncap my pens, I wear sweats, take lots of Tylenol extra strength and I use lots of creamy lotions as much as I can.

The good things that are happening…  This is my bragging part.  My wonderful girlfriend Melissa convinced me to finally spend a week in Cancun, Morgan found me an awesome new car, Heather and Scott took me sailing, some professional crew of girls now cleans the house for me, Shayne provided an amazing day of pampering that included a super sexy outfit, Miguel inspires me to eat out at really good restaurants and purchase things that make me happy (even if they are really expensive), the La Jolla Village Garden Club was touched by my wish to donate trees to school and offered to do the donation themselves, I go on dates with my Dad and his 82 yr old buddy Tony to do things like listen to opera and tour the new central library, and in general, I stress less and enjoy more.  So life is being lived.  And isn’t that the whole point anyway?

As for a medical update:  I saw the oncologist yesterday.  We both see what looks like progress.  I’ll schedule a PET scan for this month to verify.  I don’t know how much the current drugs can make my cancer go away, but if they keep it from getting worse, I’ll be happy with that.  Really happy.  The side effects suck, but I’d rather be living with them than not living.

So Happy Thanksgiving, thanks again for those of you that send me messages of love and support and for those of you that are close, for spending time with me.  I really do owe much of my positivity to you.

(ps…  I know not all of you Facebook, but most of you do and that’s where you can see some awesome photos of my adventures)