Philosophy: Gravity pulls us down. Mother Earth and all her glorious mass have created this force field that we can only escape via NASA. Well, I tried that once and they denied me. So physically, we’re stuck.
What I would love to see us unstick from is the pressure to look a certain way. I suppose I’m preaching to the choir. None of my friends are overly concerned with physical beauty (that’s part of why I love you all). But consider two things recently on my mind:
1. My mom was not a beauty-focused parent. Yet I still have clear childhood memories of feeling inadequate because of what was seen on the outside. I didn’t shave enough of my leg, I laughed too loud, I smiled too big, I was too tall, and much to my current frustration, my boobs weren’t big enough. Good parenting is not enough. Involve yourself in the positive growth of all the kids you encounter. Even the random kids you pass at the zoo or the mall.
2. Marcela shared a recent study with me. You can find it at: (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWv1VdDeoRY) Older elementary level students were praised for either working hard or being smart. Kids praised for effort chose bigger challenges than those praised for intelligence. They also had more fun and less frustration with a challenge than the others. Acknowledge kids you encounter for what really matters: their actions (‘you made a creative decision’ or ‘you acted with maturity’), not things that are out of their control (‘you’re pretty’ or ‘you’re smart’).
The recent snafu by SELF magazine (http://www.nbcsandiego.com/news/local/SELF-Magazine-Apology-Cancer-Survivor-Tutu-Photo-Monika-Allen-252713311.html) reminds me of a girl I saw riding a bike with her dad at Lake Murray. She was wearing a tutu and I commented on it. Hopefully she heard “What a great outfit you picked for a sunny day bike ride” and not just “Cute tutu.” It’s a war of semantics, but words are powerful and we may as well choose the ones that make the most positive impact possible
Medical update: the Dec PET showed that the Xeloda/Tykerb regimen was working, but it was really rough on my hands and feet. To the point that I requested a handicap placard and a wheelchair because walking hurt that bad. Hands were just as bad. I wore sweats and flip-flops not just for comfort, but because zippers and shoestrings were too painful to deal with. So my doc had me take some pretty long breaks and while my extremities started feeling better, my cancer also started to take over. It’s now in my other breast (damn boobs- should have gotten rid of you when I had the chance), and the lining of my lung (it’s not IN my lung though). I’ll be starting a new chemo Monday. It’s an intravenous but my veins are pretty tapped so I had a picc line put in. Crazy to have this thing sticking out of me, but at least I get to skip the needle pokes for all my blood tests and treatments. I asked what the side effects would be and he said “Fatigue and some neuropathy.” I laughed off the fatigue (SuperRoo) and figure numb digits will be easier to deal with than painful digits.
Feel Good story: Growing up, I had a neighbor whom I became close to. She was a young newlywed and soon to be a mom. I remember sitting in Julie’s kitchen and telling her how much I loved her home and furnishings and that I wanted to buy it all for myself when I got older. A price somewhere in the hundreds of dollars was discussed. I remember considering the pet lion I would have and what I would feed it. I also remember that she never threw reality at me, just asked about the details (what would I name my pet lion?). I now catch myself sometimes with young kids and feel the need to share reality with them, but instead of quashing creativity, I try to nurture it. I know I dream of leaving a legacy behind and that I love knowing what lessons I’ve left others with and I felt the need to share with her the lesson she had taught me. So I contacted her and a few emails later, we had a really wonderful 4 hour visit. She didn’t even remember the conversations about the house and the pet lion, but she was touched to hear about her impact on me. Like one of the signs in her garden… sow seeds of love.
There’s no one I know that sows more seeds of love than you do. There is no one who has spent time with you that isn’t a better person for it – and I know I wish I were more like you every day! See you soon
(tear/smile) love you!
Creativity and imagination are very important, but NOT in contention with reality. You highlight this in your word choice without making it explicit (and possibly without realizing it): Julie never “threw reality,” and you “feel the need to share reality…” You can share reality without quashing creativity. In fact, I’m commenting for two reasons, and that is one of them.
The conflict between reality and creativity is Bullshit. Every modern convenience is the result of creativity and reality being married together. It takes effort on our part to preserve and encourage creativity while also fulfilling our own need to share reality, but that work is worth it. It’s how we help kids become the inventors of tomorrow’s modern conveniences. Maybe Julie can explain how asking about your lion’s name was a result of doing that work. I imagine teachers do that work a lot – wasn’t she a teacher?
Anyway, it’s important to me because I think the contention between creativity and reality was invented intentionally in order to preserve the “statist quo,” the main source of all my anger. Your post reminded me that such propaganda should be recognized and called out at every opportunity.
The other reason I commented is to say THANKS for another post. Despite my tendency to … I dunno, am I “throwing reality”or at least my version of it? … , I appreciate your updates (and your visits, and your WWF moves, and…)
Love,
Your little brother.
Our brains are in sync for sure, Dave. I was thinking as I typed about the gradient of dealing with reality. There definitely is a balance to be achieved between imagination/being creative and being realistic, it just wasn’t the focus of my point, so I avoided it, trusting that the people who read my blog know me well enough to know my intentions.
and know that I love that we’ve increased our visitations too
Interestingly enough, today I watched this video about the power of words. You should check it out when you get a few mins. Love you my brave sista!
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865599603/Mormon-young-men-bring-smiles-to-36-girls-faces-video-reaches-thousands.html
Love you
You are awesome! I am encouraged by your determination and strength on a daily basis.
What time is your treatment Monday?
Hey! I love everything you just said! I read that study about effort and intelligence, and it made a huge impact on me as a teacher. It is important to think about what we say to children. I miss you and hope I can see you soon! Love you Anitra!
Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow.
You embody this everyday. I wish I had the courage that you show everyday with a smile on your face. I think of you often and how your bravery is an inspiration to us all.
I Love You and Miss You.
Dee
I have always seen you as beautiful, I have never thought about your boobs as part of that package but your laugh and smile mean the world to me. From my view, that loud laugh is a sign of pride and I have always seen that big smile as a sign of confidence and appreciation for things others don’t take the time to appreciate. Hard to think that the very two things that I have always viewed as your most beautiful assets are two things you felt weren’t “pretty” enough.
I love you dearly, I always take so much from your blogs. I am sorry I was late to read this, but I am so lucky that I did because I needed it.
I am sorry for your pain, I wish I could it away (even if that meant taking it on). There’s no one else like you and you are one of the most beautiful, honest and intelligent people that I know. You make me smile every time I think about you lady!