It was a bit silly of me to be so excited about my last chemo. I should have known better, I’ve done this before. The last one of a round is not the last until the scan says so. But of course I was the hopeful one. It would have worked out pretty good: finish chemo over summer break, have surgery and get back to school without missing too much.
But the scan said otherwise. There’s been some progress diminishing what was showing up as cancer in my right breast, but not much. And now something is showing up in my left armpit. Probably a cancerous lymph node. Stupid cancer cells. I hate you.
I should hear tomorrow from radiology about scheduling a biopsy of that left side area which will determine the next step. I’m thinking a new cancer is better than if the same one metastasized to the other side. How ridiculous to be hoping for a new cancer.
Oh, and did I mention that I’m tired of being bald, my fingernails are disgusting, and I still can’t do a decent amount of aerobic exercise without making my heartrate skyrocket? Cancer sucks.
On a happier note… I got to hug and cuddle with my oldest niece last week, had a great time with my 3 youngest nieces over the weekend, shared some long and loud laughs on Sunday while playing games with my new cancer comrade and our men, had some tasty new brews with other friends on Monday night, and had a perfect morning and evening with my love today. Did you happen to get outside to see the San Diego sky tonight? It was gorgeous.
And as a last note… Thanks to those who have made such a positive difference in my days. I’ll never feel like I can express my appreciation enough but I can mention you. Thanks to Marcela and Modus and Diss for phone calls to check in, thanks to my sis and cuz and tante for “thinking of you” emails and texts, thanks to Rena and Dee for always posting warm fuzzy comments that make me smile even through happy tears sometimes, thanks to Cathy and Dar for being the best neighbor/girlfriends ever, thanks to Liz for green juice, thanks to Erin for the funniest cards, thanks to Shayne for pretty blue bottles of blinded bliss. Your love and support make it so much easier for me to work through this. I can’t imagine not having you in my life.
Think of you so often and continue to pray <3
Thanks, Eileen. Thought of you and felt the love when I saw all the photos of you at Dave & Kim’s this past weekend.
I say it every time…..I love you more than words can express. We took a small stay-cation this week at Humphreys and Ever Clear was performing last night. Mel is a fan and they have grown on me…positive memories and good vibes when I hear them. We opted not to buy the concert tickets and instead just listen from our balcony at the hotel. I felt a little guilty, I knew he would have enjoyed the concert. When I told Mel that we could still head over and buy tickets, he said he was totally fine just hearing them and didn’t want to spend the $120 to see them in person unless you and Morgan were there. He told me its friends like you two that make him appreciate these times. No real moral to this story (other than the fact that you are worth spending $120)…but the truth is we know how important our friendship is. We don’t do the best job connecting but you are always in our talks and you are both positive triggers that we are so grateful to have. I am sorry to hear that this isn’t a solid victory, but I know it will be one day. If I could, I would give you my hair…although this would be a bad deal on your end because the ladies in my family get pretty bald in their 50’s (don’t tell Mel). If I could I would give you my nails…but the truth is I “rent” them from Aimee at Nail 2000 so they would only be good for about two weeks. I guess what I am trying to say is that even though your bald and your nails suck…you are a strong and beautiful super hero to me!
once again… smiling and laughing out loud and sharing the story with Morgan <3 thank you!
Thinking of you friend. I hate your cancer to. Maybe if we all hate it enough it will get the hint and go away. We will be home Friday night, I’ll check in then.
Want a smile? Check out the picture I posted on Facebook of Stubs at Camp Milburn. I don’t think he I missing us at all.
Love you.