Sunshine, Lollipops and Cancer

Wow…. it’s been a while.  Radiation is almost over and so much is (or was or will be) going on.

Hightlights:  went sailing with a new friend, got voted Padres Honorary Bat Girl, stood on Petco Park’s field twice- once when Otay played in CIF and once on BatGirl day, hair is growing, did a mini sprint tri and came in :40 after the third place girl in my age group, been having fun at school.

I still go every three weeks for an IV but it’s pretty quick and easy.  I only have 2 days left of radiation and my skin is doing okay still, not great, but okay at least.

So my focus is shifting to working out more, doing Zumba with Marcelita, running with Morgan, hiking Cowles with whomever wants to join me, and trying to get in some serious weight training thanks to Deb and Tony’s hookup with the CrossFitEastCounty gym.

I’m also trying to do some fund-raising for three events:  I want Morgan to do the 150 mile ride for MS in honor of my awesome colleague Stephanie, I want to do the 3-day this year, and any left over money raised for that will go towards the local Komen 5K.

Summer’s almost here and things are looking pretty good

when i teach my classes about the electromagnetic spectrum i emphasize that radiation is like many risky things in life… only really a bad thing when you get too much of it.  but lately, i’m thinking radiation therapy for cancer… it really is a drag.

the venting:  i ache in my hands feet and shoulders all the time.  i’m currently taking vicodin every morning and night.  my feet are a bit swollen all the time.  or maybe it’s just another by-product of me being 15 pounds or so overweight.  either way, wearing shoes hurts.  massage and chiropractor don’t make me feel any better anymore.  ice  cream does, but then has the negative side affect of making 15 pounds over be more like 20 over.  my nails are all half dead.  when i go in for radiation, twice now, techs have started messing with me without an introduction.  my wedding ring still won’t fit my swollen/fat finger.  my flexibility has been shot and i can’t reach all the places on my back that get itchy.  even if i can reach them, my weak nails don’t always provide enough scratch.  i haven’t had enough time/energy/positive attitude to clean my house or wash my dog.  the back yard is a mess and the plants on the patio are missing sun and/or water.

and now bringing in some sunshine so i don’t finish this and go to bed mad and sad… the backyard is a work in progress, as am i.  morgan has been working hard to keep up with what i don’t cover regarding the house, laundry, dishes, etc.  the nails are 1/3 to 1/2 way good.  aunt edie let me borrow her back scratch stick and the 99cent store has cool loofahs that are long with rope on each end to help wash those hard to reach back spots.  my wedding ring is still hanging around my neck.  and even if it wasn’t, i still have the more important thing…  the man who gave it to me.  i suppose i can continue as i did today and just initiate the introduction myself at the rad center.  i have been to the gym a lot lately thanks in part to alice.  and tony might set me up with his personal trainer when i’m ready to use someone like that more efficiently.  as for the annoying side effects of bone ache and swelling and weight gain…  it’s better than having cancer.  (she says with a “harumph” but means with all her might)

now for some ice cream and vicodin.

i wish i could tell everyone in person and share a big hug with you…  my surgeon called and said the margins were clear!  as best as any scan or test can show, i am cancer free.  it’s so weird to put that out there.  weird like it was to put out there that i *had* cancer.  but so much nicer to share this time around

warm wishes, prayers, good mojo, internet flowers, dinners, cards, green juice, phone calls, blankets, hats…  everything sent my way was part of me getting through this so thank you a million times over.

i’m recovering quickly and well, i think.  went back to school on tuesday and each day i can get my hand farther up the board to write.  (i have been getting much better at writing left handed!)  i can’t yet sleep easily on my side, but i get to roll over a bit more each night.  the steristrip is still covering the incision, but it looks good so far.

i’ll still keep posting as i go through radiation which will start in two more weeks.  they’ll do that in order to get any bits that might be left but that are too small to detect with a PET scan or biopsy.  from what i hear, the side effects of that are minimal.  so hopefully i’ll be getting back soon to things i’ve been missing…  jacuzzi soaks, massages, pedicures (maybe even a manicure!), exercising on a regular basis, chiropractic visits, and ultimately, training for some sprint triathlons, some 5k’s, the 3-day in nov, and maybe even a 10k!.

wohoo!!

ever heard of using betadine as foundation for your makeup?

got out of the hospital around noon, hungry like the beast and feeling fine, so we decided to go to bj’s for lunch.  on the way in, morgan mentions nonchalantly that i still have betadine on my neck.  “does it look stupid?” i ask.  “no, you’re fine” he replies.  haha.  i get home and actually look in the mirror to see orange streaks all across my neck.  awesome.

so the surgery is over and i really do feel fine.  i’ll probably nap some, but lunch went (and stayed) down without any issue and the pain is still being kept at bay by the drugs.  it may be a different story when the initial drugs wear off, but for now, life is good.

thanks for all the well wishes through the phone and mail.  it’s awesome to feel so loved and supported.  who needs two symmetrical boobs when friends like mine exist?

the nails are going to take a while to get better.   the newest part of each one is probably doing fine, but the majority of each was ruined by the taxol.  i finally painted my fingernails black so my students wouldn’t be so distracted by the few that are black and blue contrasting with the majority that are just a bit darkened and the one that was all white.  the white one seems almost completely separated from the base.  on my toes, both big ones are mostly white too.  and here’s the gross part:  after i shower, they get all oozy.  and the skin right at the ends of the nail seems to be separating from the original nail as well, leaving a nice open wound.  the nail that was the most black and blue didn’t get oozy as much as just bloody.  putting on shoes is a drag and walking around is a serious pain at times.  it’s a trip to have space between the nail and the nailbed.

oddly enough, the thing that got me excited recently was … ready for this?  i have hair on my legs and it makes me a bit giddy.  although it will be a drag to have to shave again, i could surely stand to get some back on my eyes and eyebrows.

side effect annoyances aside, i have made the decision to get a lumpectomy.  no date for it yet, but it feels nice to have made a choice that i’m happy with.

yay!!  12 weeks of taxol treatments are OVER and i’m so glad.  the steroids in the pre-meds were causing me to gain wait and the actual taxol kept my nails from growing right and caused some lack of feeling in finger tips and toes.  while i don’t mind the lack of hair on my head (actually even like it sometimes), i miss having it in my nose, in place of eyebrows and eyelashes, and elsewhere.  the fatigue was also getting a bit annoying, although it was the easiest to fight off.  now it’s just a matter of letting the drugs wear off and all those nasty side effects should start to get better.

i do still go in every 3 weeks for about 45 minutes of iv to get a drug that acts more like gene therapy (no side effects from what i understand) to help prevent recurrence in the right breast and development in the left.  that will continue through around nov.

as for surgery, i’m still deciding.  i’ve learned all sorts of things that factor into the decision and seem to keep learning more, which makes decision-making a bit of a challenge.  here’s a summary so far:

lumpectomy:  minor outpatient surgery with a quick recovery and little scarring,  i get to keep real tissue allowing for real sensation, if i’m not happy later due to either the way it looks or my fear that i’m at too high a risk then i can opt for a mastectomy later but don’t have to go through radiation and healing time with a freaky looking chest.

single mastectomy:  removes all breast tissue so less chance i’d get breast cancer again, requires about 6 months of recovery time before reconstruction during which i’d look a bit freaky

double mastectomy:  allows for reconstruction of both breasts likely leading to a better matching pair, reconstruction could allow for one size bigger

i have a consultation with a plastic surgeon on monday which should shed better light on reconstruction options.  but for now, it’s the weekend and i have some celebrating to do

i saw my surgeon today.  the tumor is small enough that doing a lumpectomy is an option.  so now i need to gather info to weigh the pros and cons of that versus a mastectomy, which if i do for one, i’ll do for both.  if you know anyone who is close to me in age and had either surgery, feel free to get us in touch with each other.  i will be deciding in the next two weeks.  thanks.

medical update on the tumor…  according to my oncologist, it’s only about 1 cm now!  still shrinking is good

update on the side effects… apparently the cold of mammoth was what made the skin on my hands really bad.  now that i’m home, they are much better.  still dry but no rash, no itch, and not at all like an alligator.  my fingers/nails are getting worse, however.  anything that involves the tips of my fingers hurts.  it’s amazing how much they get used… drying or wiping anything (you do realize that includes a *lot,* right?), opening the fridge or new boxes of cereal, even dialing the phone.  oh yeah, and laundry… that one i don’t complain about.  morgan hates folding all the laundry but has been great about doing it anyway.  i’ve modified a number of other things to be done with finger pads instead, like typing and petting the cat and dog.  my nails are terrible.  they are starting to disconnect from the nail beds and i expect i may lose a few but at least they grow back (in 3-6 months…  argh).  i try to keep them trimmed short but for some of them, the shortest i can go still leaves a bit of nail above my finger tip and when it gets hit, it hurts a lot.  my toes only like certain shoes and i wear my slides whenever i can.

update on the chemo… this is the good news one   i only have two treatments left!  so all the side effect stuff should stop getting worse soon and just start getting better.  after the chemo, i wait a few weeks for my body to get back to normal, then i have surgery to remove the tumor, then i start radiation (which from what i understand so far has little to no side effects).  i’ll have to keep going to the chemo treatment room once every 3 weeks but that’s just to get the herceptin which isn’t really a chemo drug.  it’s job is to prevent the type of tumor i had to reoccur.  i need to find out more to be sure (i am a bit skeptical that the bummer drug stuff is so close to an end), but so far what i’ve heard sounds easy.

update on surgery:  i’ll have more on this in a few days since i see my surgeon on monday.

mammoth

the one thing i really wanted to do for myself this break was to go snowboarding.  well, sunday jan 2 rolled around and i still had a chemo scheduled for wed jan 5.  that meant either a really short trip to mammoth, or missing the appt.  allison (the scheduling girl at kaiser) told me i’d “probably” be able to get in on fri, so morgan and i packed up the boards and the dog and headed north.  it was a grand time.   even though the negative temps (F) at Lee’s made the itch on my hands and the numbness in my fingers really annoying and painful, the cold couldn’t put a freeze on the fun.  we romped with the dogs in the snow and got in one really beautiful day of boarding.  sunny and no wind with hardly anyone else on the mountain.  one of my favorite parts was looking across the valley from the top and remembering the hike from the summer that had us looking back at mammoth.  i got winded after really short runs, so had to take it pretty slow, but had a blast nonetheless.  (the link above should play a short video clip)

getting home presented a great phone message…  fri appt, and a great mail package… beads to add to my new Donatella bracelet.  Morgan’s giving me a new one (or two!) for each chemo i still have to go through.  my fingers still hurt and the skin on my hands feels like an alligator, but the rash is mostly gone.

we closed out the break having friends over for the first of many more get-togethers, and tonight i’ll get to bed early to head back to school tomorrow.

wonder if i can get in another day of boarding in the local mountains…